Thursday, February 24, 2011

Stream of Consciousness...

I was driving to work this morning in the middle of a thunderstorm. The rain was pouring down in sheets, my windshield wipers couldn't keep up-that kind of thunderstorm. I decided to stop in at Starbucks and just as the guy was handing back my card, a huge boom of thunder shook my car and made me jump about a mile. The poor guy jumped as well and let out a little scream, and while I was scared too, it was kind of funny to watch my reaction happening to someone else.

After I got my tall, iced white chocolate mocha with no whipped cream, I headed towards work. I changed radio stations and paused at a song I hadn't heard before. The song was Randy Housers' "Back To God." It has some pretty powerful lyrics, but in between the chorus there were parents speaking about their children that had cancer. One of the parents was saying that he remembered carrying his baby girl into the house and saying Welcome to the World! and then he remembered carrying her out of the house 12 years later. He mentioned that she was his only child, that he has a hole in his heart now and when he sees other children he can feel that hole. Another mom told the story of how her son was dying and he said he saw angels. His mom asked how many and he told her there was one behind her and three above them. When she asked what they looked like, her son said they looked like her. I completely lost it. I had been trying not to cry so I was doing that thing where you can't really get enough air and you alternate between sucking in big breaths and crying at the same time. Not pretty. Then the DJ came back on the air and she was crying, which set me off again. She said that just this morning her 3 year old was up in the middle of the night asking her to shut of the storms. She thought it was cute, but was really thinking how she needed to go back to sleep. After hearing this song, she was saying how all those parents would give up sleep just to hold their children again and I seriously could not keep it together. I'm sure I walked into the office with mascara streaming down my face. I guess they were raising money for St. Judes Research and I'm sure they'll be successful. That song breaks your heart.

Grey's Anatomy is on tonight. It's the one show I've kept up with since I cancelled my cable and didn't have the ability to watch anything for awhile. I would watch online on Fridays, but now that I have an antenna, I'm back to watching on Thursdays!

For some reason I was laying in bed last night thinking about random things and I remembered my dad buying me a stuffed animal when I was in the hospital. And for some reason my response to him was something along the lines of "I bet you picked the bunny because it's on sale from Easter." I don't even know why I would say something like that. First of all, it was March so it was before Easter and the bunny wouldn't have been on sale. Secondly, and most importantly, why would I be such a bitch??! I love that bunny and I love it because my dad got it for me. I'm so lucky to have parents that love me so much and for some reason I just make asshole statments sometimes. I don't know why I even thought of that last night, but I was so horrified by what I said. It was years ago, but I don't think I even processed that I was so rude until now because I was distracted by all the medical stuff. I really need to make an effort to be a more patient, kind person. I definitely have tons of room to improve...

Well this post has mostly been a downer, so I'm going to go find the sunshine (figuratively) in my day to make it better :)

2 comments:

  1. I just googled the song. It's a great song, I agree! I probably shouldn't listen to the radio version you heard this morning...lol I would be in pretty bad shape, too!

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  2. I hope you're having a better day today sweets. We all say things we wish we could take back. : )

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