Monday, July 5, 2010

I don't want to write this...

but it's time for me to face the facts. I've gained A LOT of weight since I graduated college. Like way more than I can bring myself to actually put down here for anyone to see. I'm embarrassed, but it's more than that.

I avoid social situations that will cause me to feel awkward because of my weight. That means that anything involving a swimsuit is out and unfortunately, that means I'm missing so much during the summer. I'm missing trips floating the river, camping, bbq's, just hanging out with my friends around the pool....It sucks, but I'd rather avoid it than spend the entire time being miserable.

Getting dressed each day has turned into a nightmare. I spend far too much money on new clothes hoping something will make me feel pretty, when I know that I just need to lose the weight. I hate that I can only shop in certain stores that carry my size. I hate comparing myself to every other woman in the room to see if I'm the fattest one there. When I was thin I could walk into a room confidently because I felt good about myself and that's no longer the case.

I just generally don't feel well. I have all kinds of aches and pains and I'm constantly tired. And really, that only makes sense since my body is forced to carry around all this additional weight.
I've decided that it's time to do something about it. I'm having horrible pains in my right side and my doctor thinks I might be dealing with some ovarian cysts. I go to another doctor tomorrow to find out for sure and while I don't think being overweight caused the cysts, I do think that being thin and healthy helps your body deal with things when something is wrong much easier than it can do while you're so heavy.

It's time to get my life back. I'm sick of worrying about my body failing me, when I'm failing myself. It's time to do something...

8 comments:

  1. You can so do it, girl! I feel your pain...I gained TWENTY THREE pounds in nursing school!! But, by exercising and eating right, I've lost most of it and I feel relatively good about myself again! lol If you need any support along the way, let me know!! Good luck!! :0)

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  2. aww! I will pray for your health and your determination. hang in there. It takes alot of disipline and sacafrice,but it comes part of your life and not even an issue anymore. I am sorry you are going this. I am glad you are aware of it and want to do something about it. The size you are does not change the inner beauty you have. Remember that

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  3. Sometimes it takes something big to make you change your life. Do it for yourself - and you'll feel so much better! Happy and healthy, and all. :) You can do it, I know you can!

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  4. You can do it lady! I've been there. I gained 20 my senior year of college. I little healthy eating and exercise and it was gone in no time!

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  5. I know how you feel! Good for you for wanting to make a change. It's the middle of July and I still don't own a swimsuit that fits! I'm in denial and just trying to get out of swimming activities whenever possible. I did order some from Lane Bryant yesterday because I realized it was time to get over myself and just enjoy life as it is right now. I can't be skinny tomorrow, I'm going to have to be patient.

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  6. aw thanks girl! i got them at target!

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  7. You can do it!!! It's never easy or fun (at least for me) but the end results are always so rewarding! Take it one step at a time girly and I'll be praying for you! You're going to be one hot momma at the end of it!

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