I avoid social situations that will cause me to feel awkward because of my weight. That means that anything involving a swimsuit is out and unfortunately, that means I'm missing so much during the summer. I'm missing trips floating the river, camping, bbq's, just hanging out with my friends around the pool....It sucks, but I'd rather avoid it than spend the entire time being miserable.
Getting dressed each day has turned into a nightmare. I spend far too much money on new clothes hoping something will make me feel pretty, when I know that I just need to lose the weight. I hate that I can only shop in certain stores that carry my size. I hate comparing myself to every other woman in the room to see if I'm the fattest one there. When I was thin I could walk into a room confidently because I felt good about myself and that's no longer the case.
I just generally don't feel well. I have all kinds of aches and pains and I'm constantly tired. And really, that only makes sense since my body is forced to carry around all this additional weight.
I've decided that it's time to do something about it. I'm having horrible pains in my right side and my doctor thinks I might be dealing with some ovarian cysts. I go to another doctor tomorrow to find out for sure and while I don't think being overweight caused the cysts, I do think that being thin and healthy helps your body deal with things when something is wrong much easier than it can do while you're so heavy.
It's time to get my life back. I'm sick of worrying about my body failing me, when I'm failing myself. It's time to do something...