Monday, August 3, 2009
I am sooo tired this morning. I ended up taking a nap yesterday afternoon, but it wasn't even that long of a nap. Regardless, I still couldn't fall asleep last night. I was restless and when I did finally fall asleep I kept having very vivid dreams that would wake me up. I'm not sure what was wrong, but I kept thinking about my life and the choices that I've made. I want to know that I'm making the right decisions to take my life in the direction I want it to go, but sometimes I start questioning myself. I know that "S" and I weren't right for each other, but I started thinking about why I would give up a relationship with someone that truly loves me and would probably have married me and had kids with me down the road. And then I get mad at myself because I want those things but not at the expense of being in a relationship that isn't giving me what I need. I know it was the right decision to end things, but last night I just kept going over and over it in my head. I'm only 24, but I kept thinking about how hard it is to find the "right" person and how I know of many people in their 30's and 40's that never have. Maybe my expectations aren't realistic. Maybe there isn't "the one." I actually believe that each person has many soul mates and that there isn't only one right person for everyone, but I keep thinking maybe I was just being too picky and maybe I won't find anything better. Ugh! I hate when I do this. I'm not going to settle. I'd rather be alone then be in a relationship that's lacking.