Monday, August 31, 2009

I love this song!

It's "You Make It Real to Me" By Jim Morrison.

Friday, August 28, 2009

So I went to the doctor...

and I have the flu and a sinus infection! :( It sucks, but it definitely explains why I haven't been getting better. I got some antibiotics for the sinus infection and some meds for the nausea and have been sleeping lots and lots.

To keep myself occupied I've been watching much, much more tv then I usually do. I'm actually considering canceling my cable because I hardly watch tv at all, but it sure has come in handy this week. I've been watching TLC's A Baby Story and crying up a storm. I love little babies and all those families just look so cute together. I need to find me a husband so I can have a little one of my own someday. Ha!

I've also been reading SHAPE. That magazine is amazing-it truly gives me the best ideas on eating healthy, but I also get make-up and fashion advice all rolled into one. What more could you ask for?

I got good news today! They put all the sheetrock (is that how you spell it?) up in the house and they'll be bricking it tomorrow-woohoo! I'm so excited to see it all bricked. I'll post a picture once it gets done. :)

Okay, well it's time for some more Nyquil and Project Runway. Have a good night ladies!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Time to put a face with the name...

So this is me...well me when I was thinner (about 150 lbs). And that's my puppy Maxwell! He's also bigger now...lol.

So I'm thinking it's about time that I re-make my blog. I'd like to make the blog have 3 columns and add a header and signature. Do you guys have any recommendations for someone that can do this for me?

It's official-I'm sick

I'm blogging from my couch today, which would be glorious if it wasn't because I'm sick. I have some sort of cold-sore throat, fatigued, body aches, I feel like my head is stuck with cotton, etc. And I have some noodle soup all ready to eat for lunch, but I feel too lazy to make it. All I really want to do is order a pizza. And the pizza places aren't even open yet-it's 10:30 in the morning! Arg-I need some energy.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Good morning!

I'm pretty sure I'm sick. My throat hurts, I'm all hot and I've been sneezy. Yuck! And it's ironic because I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought lots of fruits and veggies and healthy snacks so that I can take better care of my body. I guess getting sick is my body's way of telling me I need to get in gear! I started the day off good with a banana and a toasted mini bagel with peanut butter. For lunch I'm having a toasted chicken salad sandwich with one slice of cheese, some Pringles, and a 100 calorie dessert pack of cookies. I also have trail mix and a fruit strip as snacks. Dinner will be leftover spaghetti. I'm so sick of not having enough energy and feeling run down. And now, I'm sick of being sick so here's to getting healthy!

Christa at According to Christa gave me a blog award!


Thanks Christa!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I'm really sad...

I haven't spoken to "S" in nearly a month. It's the longest we've gone without speaking in almost two years. I know that I'm the one that broke up with him, but I'm struggling to remember why. Deep down I know that I was unhappy or I wouldn't have kept ending the relationship, but I really, really miss him. It's weird how I can go days and days being just fine and then it hits me like this. It's inevitable. Everytime we break up, and we've been dating off and on for the last 11 years, I just get overcome by emotion and feel like I'll never be okay without him. And in the past, he's always called right when I'm going through that so I can't wait to see him or talk to him and we try things all over again. And then, I remember why I wanted it to end in the first place. I don't think he'll call this time, though. It's the longest we've gone without talking since we broke up my sophomore year in college. We didn't date again until I graduated, but we did keep in touch. I think we were able to be friends because I didn't live in the same city anymore, because as soon as I moved back I wanted to be with him all the time. I just feel really sad today. I miss his friendship, I miss his hugs-he gives the best hugs, I miss the history that we have together and I miss that we could have been that cliched couple that marries their high school sweetheart and tells the story of how they met as kids to their own children. I'm sad because I fear the unknown. I'm sad that a majority of my friends are married, engaged, or in serious relationships and I've made the decision to be alone and start over with the whole process of finding someone new. And I know that I'm young, but I'm scared I won't meet the "right" person. For the longest time I thought "S" was that guy. No matter what pulled us apart, we always came back together. Eleven years is a long time and I spent most of those years knowing in my heart that I would end up with him. And I probably could have, it was me that brought an end to our relationship so many times. I just knew that we weren't right for each other anymore. That the people we used to be aren't the same as who we are now and that our relationship couldn't transcend that, but he was still my first and only true love and I'm having trouble accepting that change and moving on. I'm just sad...

Monday, August 24, 2009

Trying to let it go...

Today has been a trying day at work. One of my co-workers is a challenge to work with. He's constantly trying to one up everyone, thinks he's in charge of everything and he just generally makes the rest of us miserable because he complicates everything. He's that guy that tattles on everyone everytime one of us is late or calls in sick, but he's always late or taking time off. He's that guy...anyway, I'm trying to just ignore it and move on with my day.

I'm making a real effort to approach each situation or decision I have to make with the mindset of the "Cassie" that I want to be. In other words, when I have to make a decision, I think about what I would choose if I really was that person I'm striving to be. I don't always make that decision, but I figure the more often I do it, the closer I become to being someone I can be proud of. So in this case, my ideal Cassie would move on and get back to work. That's what I'm off to do!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Back home...

I house/pet sit for my parents this weekend while they went out of town to celebrate my mom's birthday. They have 3 dogs and I have Max so I was watching 4 of them total-and three of them are under the age of two! It was definitely not the relaxing weekend I was hoping for, but we got through. Friday night they all wanted to play the ENTIRE time so I got very little sleep, but last night they did much better and I got my eight hours-it was broken sleep, but sleep nonetheless. It's worth watching them so my parents can go out of town, though. I have the most amazing parents and they deserve a break!

So, Max and I are back home tonight and enjoying the peace and quiet. I'm doing laundry and reading through some blogs. Max is sleeping since he's been playing practically non-stop the whole weekend. I'm a little nervous about work tomorrow. My boss and I need to have a talk about the new industry standards, because it's time he start making some compromises and I'm not sure that he's going to be willing to do so. Wish me luck!

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and I'll be posting again soon!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

My first award!

Happy Saturday everyone! Imagine my surprise when I logged into Blogger this afternoon and saw that SkinnySweatPea had given me an award! She's kicking butt at this whole weight loss thing, so go check her out! She had given me the One Lovely Blog Award, and I know I'm cheesy, but that just made my afternoon :)




So the rules are to recognize the one that gave you the award and pass it on to 15 lovely bloggers. Hopefully, I'll make one of these ladies afternoons:

Friday, August 21, 2009

Randomness

Hi! I've really missed blogging! I didn't mean to take a break for this long, but it was needed. I've had alot of my mind, but this post isn't meant to be all deep and though provoking-just a fun update!

This picture is of my baby, Maxwell. He's half Maltese and half Yorkie and turned one in February. He's the most amazing, sweet, lovable pup I think there is. And he looks funny and washed out in this picture because I played with the enhancement option on iphoto too much-whoops :) I promise that he's absolutely beyond adorable in person.

Did you notice the awesome blanket Max is laying on? I have searched for years trying to find a good throw blanket. I wanted something cream or black and it is super hard to find a black throw! I finally came across this one at Hallmark the other day and it fits in perfectly with my whole new color scheme of black and white with accents of red. I hope to eventually purchase a cream colored couch-I have my eye on one at Pottery Barn, but I don't know if I can justify the cost. I sort of feel that I'm mostly paying for the brand name and that I might be able to find a similar couch that's not a designer brand at a much more reasonable price.

I finally finished the Harry Potter series and all I'll say (because I know that not all of you have read it) is that there were some definite tears that fell from my eyes and it's by far one of the best series I've ever read. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but...it even surpasses Twilight in my opinion. I LOVE Twilight because of the love story. The author manages to really connect the reader with the characters and I fell for Edward and sympathized, cried and celebrated with Bella. She was a master at immersing me in their world of love. However, J.K. Rowling is far superior when it comes to weaving an intricate, tantalizing plot line. Her ability to delve into the stories with extreme detail is beyond anything I've ever read. The way that everything connects and eventually comes together is something I truly didn't expect. While I hated the way that some of the story lines had to turn out, I understood the necessity behind it and thought the ending was perfect.

Well, I think I've gone on with my rambling quite long enough. Have a great night!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

...

This has not been a great weekend. I completely BINGED on food. It's not that I just ate more than I should or made poor choices, I ate and ate and ate when I was already stuffed. I bought all my trigger foods and had ice cream and pizza and taquitos and I don't even know what else. And now I'm thoroughly depressed. I hate what I see in the mirror, I hate that I've done this again, I hate that I'm not thin. I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to overeat when I was dating S because it caused alot of emotional upheaval in my life, but I have no idea what the problem was this weekend. I haven't even talked to S in almost 3 weeks and I'm actually perfectly okay with that. I think the real reason I ate the way I did is because I'm not happy with the way I look, but then why go pile on more pounds with junk food?!!?!? It's a stupid cycle and I want to be done with it!

Friday, August 14, 2009

I finished the 5th Harry Potter Book...

I'm skipping my workout today, I picked up the fourth and fifth Harry Potter movie, I've got pizza and ice cream in the freezer and I'm going to enjoy a guilt free self-indulgent night! Have a good weekend ladies!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I'm nervous...

I negotiate various legal contracts and develop budgets at work each day. I have this particular contract that's been causing alot of tension between my boss and I because he's insisting on extremely rigid terms that are out of the ordinary. Usually if we've worked with this client in the past, he'll let me use the terms previously negotiated, however he said no on this one. The client said they wouldn't work with us if we were sticking to our terms so I spoke with my boss and asked him to reconsider. They are a very big client and pulling this contract could cost us alot of money. He finally said okay and I let the client know today. I then find out that they aren't willing to honor the past terms and are changing the budget. I have no idea why so I emailed the client before I left work for the day and said they would need to at least agree to the terms we got last time (this is standard) and I hope they do. If they don't, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be in trouble. I went through great lengths to get my boss to give up his new requirements and if I have to tell I'm I can't even get the old requirements, I'm not sure what he'll do. Wish me luck for good news tomorrow!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I'm sort of a dork...

because I really want to go to bed right now and it's only 7:30pm. I've just been sooo tired lately. I've had to force myself to stay awake while driving home the past two days-I even pinched my thigh today in an effort to stay focused on being awake. I know that's really dangerous, which is why I'm thinking I probably should head off to bed. I'll catch up on everyone's blog's tomorrow!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I had...

I had a great night! And I didn't even do anything all that interesting. I sat around and read new blogs and listened to some new music on iTunes, but it was just peaceful. It reminded me of being in college and lounging around the dorm room on a Sunday afternoon while I put of homework. I miss college!

I should really getting ready to begin my third and final year of law school this month, but instead I'm on a completely different path. I'm still struggling to come to terms with being too sick in 2007 to start law school even though that had been my dream for years. I was thinking about all of this last night and how I can't even remember what I got on my LSAT! That thing consumed me for months and now I can only sort of remember my score. How times have changed...I guess it's time I start to accept my new direction in life or figure out a way to make law school happen for me now.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Have a great night!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Have you ever...

Have you ever just wanted to quit working, stop hanging out with your friends, isolate yourself from everyone that knows you just so you can take the time to think about life and what you want out of it? I want time to get my priorities straight, time to develop a plan on becoming the person I want to be, time to become that person before I have to face the real world with all it's frustrations and all of people's pre-conceived notions about me. I get so distracted by falling into old habits when I'm around certain people or doing certain things. I just want to hibernate for awhile and emerge as the person with the life I envision. But alas, this cannot happen. There are bills to pay, friendships to maintain, things to do...so I will navigate this process without a self-imposed retreat from life as I know that most people must do. Only very few of us can afford to take a break from everything in their lives and most of us must make changes while still battling the everyday hardships. Which I suppose in the end, will make us stronger. After all, if we got a break from it all and then had to face it all at once, we most surely would fail again anyway.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Some things that help me to feel good...

  • I love, love, love reading my SHAPE magazine when it comes each month. There's always tons of advice and I get so motivated to really lose this weight.
  • Taking good care of my teeth. I like to floss and use mouth wash every night because it makes my mouth feel all clean, but also because I've read that it decreases your risk for heart disease-which I believe is still a leading cause of death for women.
  • I try to get a pedicure every month. It's good for the soul to relax and get your feet pampered. And you get pretty toes as a bonus!
  • Having a pet. My puppy (well he's technically over 1, but still a puppy to me) is one of the best things in my life. Nothing can beat the way I feel when I come home to him being so excited to see me. They truly do love unconditionally and we could all learn something from the pets in our lives.
  • Doing some good for the community. Volunteering really is something that not only benefits those that you are helping out, but in most cases helps that person doing that volunteering even more. There's just something about giving yourself to others to help make their lives better that gives me the best feeling. I've joined a group of girls meet each month and do quite a bit of volunteer work. And the added bonus is that the girls are mostly ages 24-30ish so we can go out and do fun stuff as well. It's like getting a ton of new friends!
  • Taking time out for myself. I know that I tend to be more of an introvert, which is weird to me because I used to be the exact opposite. However, I absolutely crave alone time. I need it to re-charge and to be able to face the world each day. I spend my alone time reading, watching movies, cleaning, shopping...it can be whatever, but I just need to make sure I have some each and every day.
What are some of the things you do that are good for the soul?

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Hmmm...

I hope everyone is having a great weekend! I spent most of the day running errands and hanging out with my family so I can't complain at all. I'm actually getting ready to start watching the third Harry Potter movie, but thought I'd let you know about a giveaway. Brittany is giving everyone a chance to win some Bath and Body Works stuff so check her out!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Disappointed..

Yesterday and today have been horrible when it comes to my eating...brownies, breakfast burritos, candy...ugh!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Finished two more books!

I finished Charmed Thirds and the third Harry Potter book this week. Both were great!

Today is my day off from working out-woohoo! I plan on doing some grocery shopping and then pretty much just laying around reading.

I'm at 203 lbs, which is good because I had gained over two pounds in the past week or so. Hopefully, I'll get below the 200's soon so that I can buy myself that woodwick candle!

My tattoo is healing up nicely...I think. It's actually pretty gross and peeling, but I hear it's supposed to do that. I'm ready for it to be all healed up so I can quit wearing a papertowel between it and my bra strap.

Have a great day!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Busy Bee

Life has been busy lately. Since I'm working out for an hour each day with my mom, the free time I used to have has become more limited. It takes me about half an hour to get to the gym, then we work out for an hour, and then I drive back home. And I find that when I work out I become much more productive. I came home last night and was doing dishes, going through old mail, taking out the trash, cleaning up the apartment, etc. but I found it hard to wind down to go to bed. I've decided to make a new goal to stop whatever I'm doing at 9pm and spend an hour just reading or playing with the puppy so that I can fall asleep easier.

So I don't work out on Wednesdays, but that means I'm running TONS of errands that day. I need to go grocery shopping (which I usually do on the weekend, but it didn't happen this time), I need to go by the library, I need to buy some birthday gifts, I want to use some coupons and go shopping...the list just goes on and on. I'm not sure why I all of a sudden feel overwhelmed with stuff to do, but oh well. I'm a big list maker so I'll enjoy crossing some things off.

I better get started! Oh, and please think of Jen today!

Monday, August 3, 2009

I feel like this guy....

I am sooo tired this morning. I ended up taking a nap yesterday afternoon, but it wasn't even that long of a nap. Regardless, I still couldn't fall asleep last night. I was restless and when I did finally fall asleep I kept having very vivid dreams that would wake me up. I'm not sure what was wrong, but I kept thinking about my life and the choices that I've made. I want to know that I'm making the right decisions to take my life in the direction I want it to go, but sometimes I start questioning myself. I know that "S" and I weren't right for each other, but I started thinking about why I would give up a relationship with someone that truly loves me and would probably have married me and had kids with me down the road. And then I get mad at myself because I want those things but not at the expense of being in a relationship that isn't giving me what I need. I know it was the right decision to end things, but last night I just kept going over and over it in my head. I'm only 24, but I kept thinking about how hard it is to find the "right" person and how I know of many people in their 30's and 40's that never have. Maybe my expectations aren't realistic. Maybe there isn't "the one." I actually believe that each person has many soul mates and that there isn't only one right person for everyone, but I keep thinking maybe I was just being too picky and maybe I won't find anything better. Ugh! I hate when I do this. I'm not going to settle. I'd rather be alone then be in a relationship that's lacking.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Sore, sleepy, and full

I worked out for an hour this morning with my mom and since we did that yesterday as well, I'm pretty darn tired. She wanted an exercise partner so we'll be working out everyday except for Wednesdays-wish me luck! I feel like I could fall over from exhaustion. I don't know if it's just the exercising, but I've been beyond tired lately. We also ate lunch at Olive Garden so I loaded up on too many carbs. I should post more tomorrow-I'm going to lay down and read for a bit now.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Why?

I logged into Blogger tonight to catch up on my blog reading and write a quick post about my day. I got to one of my favorite blogs and even though I'm still sitting in the same place working on my computer, I feel like everything changed. Jen had written a post, which surprised me because she doesn't usually update on the weekends. I was expecting to get a weight loss update from her since today is her 2 year anniversary of her journey to lose 100 lbs. Instead, it was the most heart wrenching post I've ever read. Her sweet, sweet mom that always wrote the cutest comments on her posts got hit by a car while pushing her grandson and died on the way to the hospital. Jen didn't even get to say goodbye and while I'm positive her mom knows how much she was loved, I can't even begin to imagine what Jen is going through. I don't know Jen in real life and have obviously never met her mom, but this really shocked me. I started to cry as I read her post and am crying still because you just never know when those you love are going to be taken from you. It's so incredibly unfair. My priorities are suddenly up in the air. I know that I'm headed in the right direction. But hearing all of this just reinforces that I want to know that I live each and every day to the fullest and that I don't regret my actions and decisions. I think I have some major soul searching to do. This has shocked me in a way that has completely surprised me. I never thought I would become attached enough to the blog world to spend so much time crying, praying, thinking, and many other emotions for/about people I've never met. But I have and I'm grateful for it. Sweet Stellan is getting better and I truly believe it's due in part to the HUGE following of people that prayed and cared about this little boy making it. Jen will get through this, but it's unimaginable to me the pain I'm sure she's feeling. Please love on her during this time.
 
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