Friday, July 31, 2009

Eeeks!!!!

I got my first tattoo!!!! I'm so excited :) I've been wanting one for years, but just could never decide what to get or where. This is a picture of the butterfly I got. I only got the butterfly part and it's on my right shoulder blade. I love it! I decided on a butterfly because they represent change and I've been through alot in the past few years. They are also kind of cliched-so many young women have butterfly tattoos, but it really means something to me so it's the perfect choice. I've had to change and adapt my goals and dreams because of all this appendix and surgery stuff and I think that my life is coming out more beautiful because of it. It represents a new beginning to me. I'm starting new without bad boyfriends, excuses for being fat, etc. It's so exciting! Whenever I can get a good picture of it, I'll post one.

Today was all around a great day. The apartment is clean and organized. I got alot of paperwork done, and since I had broken my rule and eaten out for lunch the other day I went ahead and ate at Olive Garden by myself this afternoon. I think it's important to be independent and be able to do things like go to a movie or eat something place nice by myself if no else is able to and I want to go. I shouldn't skip doing things just because it would have to be by myself. I brought a book and had a great meal. I forget what number that is on my list, but I get to cross it off!

I have more to say but it's after 11pm and I'm starving. I'm off to eat some leftovers!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Progress Report...

I may be suffering from a crappy mood, but I'm still trucking along when it comes to my 101 list! Here's an update:

#19: Read 100 books-I finished the second Harry Potter book and the second Jessica Darling book-Second Helpings. The H.P. books are going much quicker then I thought they would and I'm enjoying them much, much more than I thought I ever could. I normally need some sort of romance element and these don't have that (at least not yet), but they are pretty darn interesting and have captured my attention. Although, Twilight still has my heart as of now. Second Helpings was even better than Sloppy Firsts. Jessica graduated high school in this one and is headed off to college so she's starting to get closer to my age group which helps me relate a little better to the story. I'm starting both the third H.P. book and the third Jessica Darling book today. I'll keep you updated!

#36: Compliment 10 people I work with-We have this guy that's still in college that comes in a couple of days each week during the summer to help out with filing, shredding, etc. He's always dressed really well for a college kid so today I complimented the shirt he was wearing. We also have a relatively new coordinator and she normally wears her hair straight. Today she had really curly hair and glasses so I told her she looked super cute.

#24: Be true to myself-this is obviously a never ending goal, but I hope to make some serious progress on it before my 1001 days end. I feel like talking to "S" and telling him I don't want to be in a relationship is a big start. I truly do want some time to just be alone and figure things out for myself.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I need a mood adjustment...

I'm just in a crappy mood and have been for DAYS! I don't know what the deal is. I keep trying to be in a better mood, but for some reason it's just not happening.

I ended up drinking half a beer last night at the volunteer group get together even though I'm supposed to be drinking only water until the 1st. When I made the decision to drink the beer I was okay with it because I've only had water since June 19th and I feel like that's a really big accomplishment. So I went home and didn't feel any guilt or anything. Well then this morning I was feeling irritated and decided that I might as well just go ahead and eat out somewhere since I already broke one of my goals by drinking the beer. That kind of thinking is so ridiculous and just irritates me. I don't know why I would start to even go there, but for some reason I really just want to eat out today and start over another day. So far I've stayed strong, but lunch is right around the corner and my frozen meal isn't sounding all that appealing. I have no clue what's gotten into me.

"S" didn't call yesterday which is a good thing but I can't shake the feeling that he's going to end up calling sometime and this whole mess isn't really done with.

Arg! I HATE being in a bad mood and I can normally pull myself out of one, but I'm failing miserably lately. I think it's a combination of being on my period, this whole situation with "S", being tired, having a constant headache for nearly four days, etc. I probably just need to go home after work and eat dinner, clean up and go to bed early. Actually, I wish I was already sleeping...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I gave in...

and finally started reading the Harry Potter book series. I've been kind of addicted to the Twilight Series and haven't been able to find much else that compares so I decided to go ahead and try Harry Potter. It's actually not that bad. I just finished the first book today. I haven't decided to read all the books and then watch all the movies or to read a book, watch that movie, read a book...

I'm kind of in a funk lately. I've been dealing with this headache for three days and I'm getting pretty darn cranky. My stomach has been upset. The whole thing with "S" has been getting me down. "S" and I did have a talk last night and I relayed that I still don't want a relationship and that I don't even feel like we get along all that well and he said that he didn't see any reason to be there (he was at my apartment) so he left. Which is what I wanted. I want to be by myself for awhile. I want to have time to just figure out who I am and what I want out of life, but it was one of those things were I wouldn't be surprised if he calls today or tomorrow and asks if we can work it out. I don't know if he's actually going to let us go our separate ways or not, and that's hard.

I gained half a pound so I'm now at 203.5. I really want my candle though, so I need to kick it into gear!

I'm going to a get together tonight to see if I want to join a volunteer group that one of the girls at work is in. I actually really like to volunteer, but I'm kind of nervous. I don't know the girl at work all that well and I'm kind of uncomfortable with meeting a bunch of people where I don't have any friends. The girl from work is hosting it so I hope it goes okay. I guess we'll see!

Monday, July 27, 2009

I can't concentrate

I can't concentrate. There are certain aspects of my life that are out of balance. I need to make some hard decisions-decisions that are going to hurt someone I care about...AGAIN. I wish he would just let me go. I don't want to keep trying and trying and trying. It isn't working, it hasn't worked, so let me go. Why make me hurt you over and over again? I try to stick to my decision each time, but you CONSTANTLY try to make me see otherwise and I just end up giving in. And now I want out...AGAIN. Let me go. Accept that this isn't what's best for both of us. PLEASE. For now, I'll keep going on and trying to make it through the days because I don't want to hurt you again and I think you need to come to the realization on your own that this doesn't work...so you can truly let me go, but I can only do this so long before I break. I'm giving you time now, but it won't last. PLEASE LET ME GO.

As always, pray for Stellan.

Very bad...

Stellan is losing his fight and needs all the prayers he can get. MckMama just sent out a tweet saying it's bad and their parents and families are on their way. Please send up a prayer for this family!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Broken Record

I know that I sound like a broken record, but please, please pray for baby Stellan. He's not doing well at all. I don't personally know this baby, but I've been following his story on MckMama's blog for awhile know and I feel so close to this family. I follow MckMama on Twitter and her last update said that poor Stellan is grey, listless, and still having SVT. I honestly believe that the more people praying for him (or if you don't pray, just sending good thoughts his way) can help miraculous things happen.

Other then the above, I am having one of the worst headaches of my life so I've been trying to take it easy and don't want to concentrate on typing anymore.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Update

Stellan is still in need of everyone's thoughts and prayers. Please read his story here.

Today is day 9 of my latest challenge...no eating out, ice cream, taquitos, etc. It's actually going okay. I'm surprised that it's already been nine days. I have allowed myself homemade pizza and homemade brownies, but other that, I've been sticking to the plan.

I'm also still doing great with the whole water only thing. Only a week until I can have myself a big 'ol iced coffee!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Please keep Stellan in your thoughts...

I'm sure that many of you are familiar with MckMama and her sweet babe Stellan, but he's getting admitted to the hospital today because of his SVT. Hopefully, they can get it under control and avoid another ablation right now and wait until Stellan is a little older and bigger. If by chance you don't follow her blog, please click here and read about Stellan's amazing journey and the rest of her wonderful family.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Twitter help

Okay, so I realize that I'm an adult that has grown up using technology, but I seem to be missing the gene that allows all technological things to come easier to me. And sometimes I feel like I must be the only one in my generation that struggles with this. Don't get me wrong, I'm a smart girl, but I definitely need to be shown how to make things like my computer work before I can use it efficiently.

So here's the deal...I signed up for Twitter and started a following a few people. I configured it to get the tweets sent to my cell phone. Now I know how to update my Twitter online, but how to I respond to other people's tweets? If I get it sent to my cell, can I just hit reply and then @thatpersonsusername and send the message or do I need to log on to Twitter first? When I'm online logged in and want to reply to someone, do I just hit @thatpersonsusername in my update section and type my message? Won't that become my update for everyone to see instead of replying to a specific person? And I have an iphone but what application do I use for Twitter? There are a ton and the one I have takes forever to load and doesn't take me to my update page or anything.

Okay, don't make fun of me...just help me please.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Emotional Eating

Today has been difficult for me. I had an appointment with my surgeon to discuss removing the scar tissue that's causing my pain in my side and he feels that surgery would be too dangerous. He's worried about puncturing intestine's and a bunch of stuff. It's frustrating to me because that means I have to use medicine to control the pain, which I HATE. I do not want to be on any medication long term whether it's narcotics, anti-inflammatory drugs, or whatever else they think will help. And my surgeon said he'd do the surgery if I really wanted him to, but with all the risks he was telling me about, I can't feel okay about the decision to have the surgery anymore. He's hopeful my adhesions will soften up over more time, so I've made the decision to go back to my gyno and discuss pain management with him. Anyway, this all put me in a crappy mood so all I wanted was to dive into a pint of ice cream and a large pizza when I got home. But, I couldn't because of my decision to cut that stuff out of my diet right now. I was really torn, but ended up not getting the ice cream or pizza. Instead I ate home. I didn't make healthy choices at home, but at least I don't have things that are that unhealthy in my house. I just ate large quantities of this stuff. However, I'm still proud that I didn't give in and break my promise to myself. This is the exact kind of day that I would use as an excuse to order order a large stuffed crust pizza, eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's and veg in front of the tv. I want to break that behavior and maybe I'm one step closer.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I'm officially done!

Well I did it! I drank only water from June 19th-July 19th!!! Woohoo! I'm pretty freakin' proud of myself. I did agree to go until August 1st so I'm still sticking to it, but I'm glad I met my original goal.

I need to be honest...I'm really struggling with my eating. Even though I've cut out certain foods and I'm exercising, I've still gained 2 lbs in the past week. I know it's because I'm eating too much of the foods I am allowing myself. Last night I had two dinners-two! I ate a lean cuisine and then an hour later made myself a quesadilla. And I had my fair share of the brownies I made yesterday. It's like I have no self-control and frankly, it's pissing me off! I guess it's just something I need to work on.

So I have this thing I need to dress up for next week...kind of dressy casual. Does anyone know of a good clothing place? I'm probably in a size 16 or 18 pants (ugh!) and I have trouble finding cute, plus size clothes. I'll look at Lane Bryant this weekend, but any other ideas?

Monday, July 20, 2009

I'm utterly exhausted

I'm so tired, but I made it to the gym so I consider it a good day. I'm going to eat dinner and try to stay awake past 8pm, but no guarantees.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Brownies!

Please excuse the poor picture and lack of presentation. I wanted to take a picture of one on my plate, but I forgot because these are sooo good! They actually don't look all that appetizing in the pan (I'm taking it to work tomorrow so it's in an ugly disposable pan), but taste amazing! They're called crack brownies (ha!) and I got the recipe from the book It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken. I had to modify it a bit...I used a different type of caramel and evaporated milk, but they came out just fine. The only thing I messed up on was using the wrong size pan. That's why it's all burnt at the edges-it got much thinner at that end, but it's okay. I would definitely recommend making these, but BEWARE: they are extremely rich. You can see in the picture that I took one piece and then put half of it back. I couldn't even eat the whole thing! Well not at one time...I finished off that second half later.

Time for breakfast...my stomach won't quit growling!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Food Review

I tried VitaTops for the first time today. I stumbled upon them in Target yesterday and I remembered seeing alot of blog posts about them so I went ahead and bought them. I got the chocolate kind and I thought it was pretty good, but also dry. I'm not sure if I didn't microwave it long enough, but I put some fat free whipped cream on top and it was perfect after that! I figure it's nice to have as a dessert or snack, but it's not something I'll want to eat and eat like a bunch of homemade cookies. I have no self control with stuff like that!

So I'm probably going to be in trouble tonight because I feel like doing some baking. A brownie recipe has caught my eye ( I know, I know I gave up brownies, but when I wrote that, I was only referring to the ones in my building, so I'm okay with it if I make them myself), but there are also lots of other things I could make. I haven't decided, but I'm pretty excited either way because I'll be trying a new dessert recipe and taking whatever is left to work so that's two things off my 101 list!

I need to go grocery shopping today and I'm looking forward to it so much! I know that's weird, but I enjoy going up and down the aisles and picking out new things to make. I hope everyone is having a great Saturday!

Friday, July 17, 2009

CT Scan=blah

I had a CT scan today for my pelvic pain in my right side and they are just not fun to have. You have to drink this barium contrast stuff that makes me sick to my stomach and nauseous and then they give you an IV with iodine that makes you get all warm and kind of dizzy. It went fine, but it really drained me.

I did end up trying a new recipe for dinner though! I made bbq chicken nachos which were delicious. I put a layer of round tortilla chips in a casserole dish, then a layer of freshly grated cheddar and Monterey Jack, then another layer of chips, then some bite size bbq chicken and another layer of cheese. I baked it at 350 degrees for about 10 minutes and then pulled it out. I spread shredded lettuce on top and ate it all up! Yummy!

I had to give Max his flea and tick meds today and I feel so bad for him! He's just miserable afterwards running around and trying to figure out what's on his back. I know it's for his own good, but it makes me sad for him.

Well I think "Say Yes to the Dress" is about to come on, so I gotta go!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Trigger Foods

I'm not going to go into all the gory details that led to this post and subsequent decisions, but let me just make it clear that it was indeed GORY. Yesterday was not a good food or exercise day for me, so I'm changing things up.

Sometimes I envy drug and alcohol addicts...weird right? I'm going to try to explain this adequately, but I'm not sure it will come out the way I mean it. I tend to be really good at cutting things out of my life that don't need to be in it. For example, if I have a boyfriend that's treating my badly I can simply just not call or contact that person again even if it HURTS horribly. I just go cold turkey and won't let myself give in at all. Or with the whole water challenge thing, I just cut out every liquid you can drink that isn't water. Easy as that. And it actually has been pretty easy for me to do. Now if I had changed the challenge to allow soda once a week I would have failed miserably and drank a soda, coffee, and shake every single day. I just don't do good with moderation. It's black or white to me. So back to the whole drug and alcohol thing. I envy those people because when they decide to quit whatever their addiction may be...they can completely cut that out of their lives. They can decide to never smoke another cigarrette or to never smoke weed or snort cocaine or...you get the idea. They don't need those things in their lives to stay alive. And while I realize how addicting (well actually I can't honestly understand because I haven't been there, but I can imagine) they can be at least they don't have to have those things to survive. It's not like a doctor says to someone "well I need you to stop doing the "bad" kind of heroine and only inject the "good" kind because that will lead to a healthier life." Just doesn't happen.

HOWEVER, I have to have food to survive. I can't just quit eating-well I could but that would be the dumbest thing ever and I would die a slow, painful death before I turned 25...so not really an option. Food is my drug of choice and I have to have it EVERY SINGLE DAY. So now I have this problem. We already covered that I suck at moderation-I've tried just allowing myself to eat whatever I want and that only served to help me pack on the pounds and quiting eating isn't an option. What to do...

I decided to simply just quit eating certain foods. I did good with cutting out all other liquids, but water so now it's time to cut out some of the really good stuff. See, I have certain foods that once I start to eat them, it's extremely hard for me to stop at a normal portion. And since I'm totally serious about this losing weight thing, I'm quiting the following trigger foods for an entire month.
  1. Pizza: I could eat this every single day. My favorite is stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut which has about 18 grams of fat and almost 400 calories a slice. Or so I've heard...I choose to believe that it's fat free with 50 calories a slice. Regardless, no pizza of any kind including the frozen pizza, unless it's a Lean Cuisine for a month.

  2. Taquitos: I never thought this would be a trigger food for me, but I recently discovered chicken and cheese flour taquitos and I must have at least 3 in one serving. And once I had 3, I need another 3 or 4 or 10...so no more.

  3. Ice Cream/Custard/Frozen Yogurt: by far my biggest weakness. Truthfully, I don't eat much ice cream or custard, but I'm ADDICTED to Ben and Jerry's Half Baked Fro Yo. And I cannot eat less than the whole pint in one sitting. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I've even eaten TWO pints in one day. This must go. And it will very nearly kill me.

  4. Eating out/Fast food/Take-Out: I'm cutting this out just because it will be a challenge for the next month and it limits my access to other foods that tempt me.

  5. Brownies/Candy Bars from the deli downstairs: These brownies are the most delicious things you've ever had...well, I've ever had. You don't work with me so you probably haven't had them, but I'm telling you. The owner makes a fresh pan almost daily and I just can't resist. I try and FAIL...every time. And I'm cutting out candy bars, because I know I'll grab those instead of brownies during this month if I don't.

There you have it people. My new challenge for myself starts...well, tomorrow because I had a prior committment to go out to lunch today, but I'm ready for tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I'm entering my first contest ever!

Well technically, I'm entering two! I'm so super excited!!!!

Jen at PriorFatGirl is giving away a year's subscription to Health Magazine-woohoo! I'm actually not familiar with this particular magazine, but I figure I need all the healthy goodness I can bring into my life. Also, Jen has the greatest blog so go check her out! She's incredibly inspirational and I look forward to reading her posts each morning. It makes getting to work so early a little bit easier and I'll take all the help I can get.

Amanda is also having a contest! Is this my lucky day or what?!?! In order to support drinking more water and saving the enviroment (by not using so many plastic bottles), she's giving away a 16-oz Camelbak water bottle! I would love, love, love to win since I drink all this water anyway. And...I only use a regular cup at work and still have to take the same plastic bottle to the gym each day. If I had this new Camelbak I could use it for both work and the gym and it would make me a very happy girl! Amanda has been guest blogging on Jen's blog for awhile now, but she recently started her very own blog and it's worth reading! (wow, I used the word "blog" alot in that last sentence) She's lost a great deal of weight and looks fantastic!

Well, I'm absolutely exhausted and busy at work so I've got to go, but maybe I'll be able to get in another post later today!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Frozen Meals...Good or Evil???

I'll be the first to admit that I rely on frozen meals when I'm trying to lose weight. I love the portion control, the variety, the ease of popping them in the microwave...however, I'm not immune to all the negative feedback they get. I've read articles like this and heard numerous stories about how much sodium they can contain. I read that some people even have trouble losing weight when they're doing all the right things if they rely on frozen meals because of all the water they retain from the salt. This has been weighing on my mind alot lately, but I have to say that for right now it just makes sense for me to eat these. I know that I would end up consuming alot more calories if I chose to go out to eat and this keeps me from eating crap when I'm too tired to cook anything. However, I do plan to starting eating more fresh ingredients down the road. Right now I want to get some control when it comes to portion size and then go from there. Hopefully, I'll start bringing leftovers to work for lunch, but right now that's difficult because if I make enough dinner for leftovers, I normally eat too much at dinner. Ridiculous, but it always happens.

Anyway, Jen is starting her own water challenge and dared her readers to only drink water for the rest of the month. I'll technically be done with my month on the 19th, but I decided to go ahead and keep it up until August 1st. And then I'm indulging in an iced coffee or strawberry smoothie! Even though I am planning on that treat, I think I'll stick with this water thing 90% of the time. It's become a habit that I don't really think about anymore; I just automatically order water when eating out, I ony have water at work and at home and my friends and family know to not even bother offering anything else, so it's working great!

So, back to the frozen meal thing...I thought I'd tell you some of my favorites. Lean Cuisines are probably the ones I buy the most and I absolutely LOVE the Chicken Bacon Ranch Flatbread and their French Bread Pepperoni Pizza. I also really like Smart One's Ziti. What are your favorites? Or, if you don't eat frozen meals, what do you eat on days you're too tired to cook or put something together?

Monday, July 13, 2009

Ick!

Well I'm hot, sweaty and gross, but I went to the gym! I was only able to do 20 minutes on the elliptical before I felt like I was going to pass out, but I figure all the sweating burned off extra calories. Oh, and the reason I go to the gym without A.C. is because it's the one at my apartment, so it's free and I figure I should take advantage of it before I move. I've spent money on gym memberships, but then never keep going and waste my money. I guess it's kind of a punishment to go to the gym here, but until I can prove to myself that I'll keep going, I'm just going to have to tough it out. Then when I move in November, if I've been consistently going (which I will!), I'll join a gym again and think about getting a trainer. Anyway...I'm just super proud that I went! I've even decided to pack a gym bag and start going directly after work each day and then take the weekends off. I guess I'll start that tomorrow! I know 20 minutes isn't a lot, but 120 minutes a week is 120 minutes more than I used to go, so I'm pretty excited.

I just finished book #8 on my goal to read 100 books. I read Sloppy Firsts after I saw it on this blog. It was hard for me to get into at first because it's based in high school and seemed a little young, but after I got in past the first 100 pages or so, I got hooked. I think there's four or five other books in the series and I've got them all on reserve at my local library. I can't wait until they come in! And the main character gets to college in the second or third book, so I'm hoping it will get even better. I absolutely love that I can get basically any book I want at my library, no matter how new it is, if I'm just willing to wait a little bit and be patient. I read books really quickly and like to read ALOT so I used to spend a TON of money on new books. I had this perception that the library didn't carry the new releases that I was interested in, but I was completely wrong and I couldn't be happier about it.

I'm not sure if I've blogged about this before, but I did start a new "green" habit. Another thing I can cross off my list (well I need to incorporate 5 new habits, but it's a start)! I drink lots of water, which is kind of obvious since that's all I'll allow myself to drink until July 19th, but even before I started that challenge, I drank alot. I've always had bottled water and I can taste the difference in plain tap water, so I continued to by bottled water. I definitely recycle all the bottles, but I know it would be best if I could just stop buying them altogether. So I bought a Brita Pitcher. I got the really big one so I use it at home and then I kept two of my big water bottles and just refill those from the pitcher to take to work! It's working out really well and I'm glad I can stop spending money on the pitchers and worrying about recycling them all.

By the way, does anyone know why when I upload pictures, it puts them all right next to each at the top? How do I make sure the picture goes by the text it's referring to?

Weight Update

Today's weight: 203 lbs...slowly but surely moving down!

I also made myself another deal other than the new necklace. I happen to be addicted to woodwick candles and I'm in need of a new one. I burn candles almost every single day and I'm about out of my latest one. Well I was just going to go buy a new one, but I decided not to get one until I'm under 200 lbs. That's definite motivation for me! Hopefully it will be soon!

So Jen has been kicking some serious butt at the gym! I was reading her blog this morning and it helped motivate me to get myself over to the gym tonight. I just wish the gym had A.C. It's 106 degrees today! I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow morning!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

My new reward...

When I lose my 20 lbs, I'm getting an Open Heart necklace at Kay Jewelers. I love the idea behind them and what girl can resist diamonds?!?!?! Hopefully I get there soon!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

It's HOT!

It's supposed to get to 102 degrees today...yuck! I like the hot weather if I'm swimming, but other than that...I could do without it being this hot. I went out to the house earlier to see the progress (I have windows!) and it was absolutely sweltering. For some reason I always get a headache from being in the sun even though I try to drink a ton of water to stay hydrated. Anyway, that means I'm trying to nurse my headache away by staying inside the rest of the day. I've got lots planned:
  • Reading my new SHAPE issue
  • Doing laundry
  • Taking a nap
  • Eating lunch
  • Cleaning up the apartment
  • Taking care of some paperwork
  • Reading one of the two books I started (Sloppy Firsts and The Five Love Languages for Singles)
I know, I know, I'm kind of a dork, but I enjoy cleaning and reading! Don't judge me!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Ticket: $18...Parking: $5

Tube Rental: $8
Getting over my fear of being in a bathing suit in public: priceless!

Yup, you head right! I went to a water park today and had a fantastic time! I haven't gone to one in years because I'm always so afraid of walking around half naked in front of a ton of people. However, I'm sick of not doing the things I want to do because of my weight. I'm not happy with what I weigh, but I'm not going to quit living my life because of it or put my life on hold until I am at a weight I'm happy with. I did go by myself though because I wanted to enjoy myself and not be any more self conscious then I already anticipated I would be. I have great friends, but they're all pretty thin and while they would never say anything to make me uncomfortable (and in fact would probably do everything they can to make me comfortable), I wanted to do this by myself. I hung out in the lazy river just floating along on my tube, I went in the wave pool, I layed out and read a book...it was just a relaxing, good time. I was always aware of my size, but not uncomfortable and unable to enjoy myself. And while I'm most definitely glad that I went, I do want to to go again when I'm thinner and ride more of the rides...oh, and go with all my friends! So, that's #22 on my list that can get crossed off!

I also get to cross off #3 today! I finally ordered a magazine subscription after years of paying full price each month for whatever magazine I'm interested in. I ordered....SHAPE! I love that one and it's so motivating to me. Now I'll get to read it every month for a year and my first issue came today!

I'll also be done with the water challenge on July 19th, so that's only 9 more days!

Okay, I'm exhausted and ready for bed. I hope everyone had a great Friday!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Yay!

I'm taking tomorrow off work and have the best day planned...I'll tell you all about it then!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

No more excuses!

Alright, I'm done with making excuses. I've been "working hard" on this for a few months and I've just gained weight. It's time to get serious.

I've given myself a challenge. I'm going to lose 20 lbs by the time I close on the new house, which should be around November 12th. That gives me a little over 4 months and should be completely doable. Today's weight: 204.5. So...I should be down to at least 184.5 by the time I move.

I've given some thought to why I'm gaining weight and I've decided it's because I feel like my life is out of balance. If I feel like I'm slacking at work, or not spending time with friends or family, or not playing with the puppy enough, or my love life is out of whack, etc...I end up eating to make myself feel better, which really only makes me feel worse. So...my goal is to find some balance. I've been working my butt off at work today, I plan on playing with the puppy at home, hopefully exercising, and maybe meeting up with a friend tonight. I feel so much better when I'm taking care of myself and I want to feel that way again.

Sometimes I'll come across blogs where the person is saying how hard they've been working to lose weight, but I feel like they're deluding themselves. They say they're eating healthy, but they really ate carbs all day or lots of candy and junk food. I guess because it's less then what they would normally eat, they feel like they're doing well, but in reality everyone knows you need to eat a balance of foods. Some fruit, veggies, protein, carbs, etc. I'm just as guilty as those people, though. I say because I only ate half of my Olive Garden that I'm making good choices, but the reality is...I still consumed a TON of calories! And it is okay to eat like that sometimes, but when I do eat like that, I need to just admit that it was a splurge and not my attempt to be healthy. I feel like I can be judgmental of others for making excuses, but I'm the biggest culprit! Much of this blog has been full of excuses-I'm a picky eater, I'm tired, I'm sore, my side hurts, I have shin splints, I broke up with my boyfriend, work is stressing me out, etc. And while if I said it, it was probably true, that still doesn't let me off the hook. I need to start taking responsibility for the weight I put on and start taking it off.

Today I've had a bagel for breakfast and a lean cuisine and an organic fruit strip for lunch. I'm going to win my fight with my weight!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Bad day...


Today has not been a good day. The scale has not been my friend...I'm ready to just start over tomorrow.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Ladidadida...

Today was a typical day. Nothing really interesting happened, but I tried to make pretty good food choices. I did go to Olive Garden with my parents for dinner and had a pretty fatty meal, but I only ate half and filled up on salad instead. I had dessert there, but I got the fruit and sorbet dessert, which was really yummy and one of the healthiest choices. I have a phone with internet access so I was looking up the nutritional information of everything while we ate and my parents were just appalled at how bad some of their food really is. I was pretty shocked myself, but glad that I know. I had a doctors appointment today and they have a place with the best cookies at the bottom of the building, but I skipped getting one-yay! It's the small victories that add up to big results, so I'm proud of only eating half my dinner, ordering a fruit dessert, and skipping a cookie. Here's to more good choices tomorrow...

Sunday, July 5, 2009

I went to the zoo today!

So the ex (we're just going to start calling him "S") knew I had been wanting to go to the zoo. It wasn't nearly as hot today as it had been so we ended up going! I had such a great time. I sort of felt like a little kid, but I love animals. There were lots of different kinds of tigers and bears, which were my favorite. We also saw some bats (yuck) and lots of other animals that are local around here. We skipped the water show because they don't have dolphins anymore and we meant to go see the giraffes and zebras, but by the time we were close to the exhibit we had already been walking for a couple of hours and I had blisters from my flip flops and was ready to leave. It wasn't a planned trip to the zoo so I wasn't wearing good shoes for it. I had an absolute blast though and I'm sooo glad that we went.

I hope all of you are enjoying the holiday weekend!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

101 Update

Happy 4th of July!

I did it! I officially blogged every single day for one month! June 3rd-July 3rd. I'm so excited! So I get to cross that off of my list. Hopefully, I'm used to doing it and I'll continue to do it everyday. I really like blogging. There's something kind of addictive about it.

Today is day 16 of the water challenge. I'm so glad I decided to do this. It's not that I've really noticed a change in my body or how I feel, but I do know that it's so much much healthier to cut out the juice, soda, smoothies, coffee, etc.

My plans for today include cooking out with my parents and then staying in with the puppy during the fireworks. Last year he went over to my parents house, but their new puppy doesn't get along so well with Max, so he can't go over there this year. I thought he might be okay (he doesn't really do well with loud noises like thunder and fireworks) and that he may have grown out of it for this year, but someone was shooting some off by my apartment the other day and he flipped out. So, I'll be skipping the fireworks this year and staying home with him, but I really don't mind. I've got some things I want to get done at home anyway...some more things to cross off my list!

I hope everyone has a good day!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Summer...

I slept in past nine this morning, walked the puppy, took out the trash, ate whole wheat waffles with light butter and light syrup, and then spent the rest of the morning in a pool similar to this...well without the gorgeous views, but you get the idea. While I'm not a fan of the over 100 degree temps, I am a fan of getting to lounge by the pool with a good book. Right now I'm reading The Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman. It's been highly praised by quite a few people so I thought I'd see if I can learn anything. Well I'm on a mission to enjoy my three day weekend so talk to ya later!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Day 14!

Wow, I can't believe I've only been drinking water for 2 weeks today! Sweet! And I'm glad I checked the calendar to see that because I'm really really craving a cappuchino or iced coffee this morning to give me a little kick. BUT...I'm not giving in and losing two weeks worth of work only to start all over. What do you guys do to give yourselves some energy when you're tired at work? I know that if I was at home I could take a quick nap or go run some errands or go to the pool or something, but at work I'm sort of at a loss. I normally rely on coffee or something sugary, but that's not going to help me get any closer to my weight loss goals.

I've almost been blogging everyday for a month, so I'm that much closer to crossing another goal off my 101 list-woohoo!

Today feels like Friday to me. We get tomorrow off of work for the 4th of July Holiday and I'm just so anxious that I barely feel like I can make it through the day! Which kind of contradicts what I said about being tired. I'm actually tired, but I feel like the day is going by so SLOWLY because I want to go ahead and start my weekend! I have big plans to spend the majority of tomorrow at the pool. I can't wait!

Oh, and the big news I mentioned awhile back...I'm building a house! It should be done in November and I really want to be in better shape by then. I just found out yesterday that the frame and walls are up. Next week the plumbing and fireplace people are coming! I'm so excited because when I was out there last week, it was just a concrete slab and when I go out there this weekend, it will actually resemeble a house!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I don't have alot of words today..

I'm not in a very positive place lately when it comes to my health. I keep promising myself over and over that I won't repeat the same mistakes the next day and I'll start new with everything. Then invariably I do the same stupid thing again. I'm sick of eating when I'm not hungry, I'm sick of craving sugar and salt and greasy pizza, I'm sick of being Fat. I want to go back to when I was happy and skinny so bad. I don't want to have to do the work and lose the weight. I know that sounds lazy and that's because I AM being lazy. I don't want to get out into the 100 degree heat and work out, I don't want to eat vegetables and fruit and avoid carbs. I don't want to put so much thought into it at all. I really just want to live my life and eat what I want when I'm hungry and move on. I'm sick of my weight and food taking up so much of my time and energy. I know that's not healthy and the more I fixate on it, the worse it gets. Ugh, I guess I did have some things to say. I should probably go and come back again when I'm in a better mood.
 
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