Tuesday, June 30, 2009

PMS...

truly sucks. I won't give you the gory details, but I have had my fair share of Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza, brownies and ice cream today. And of course, I feel disgusting after eating all of that. I know better, but I just caved today and gave in. It's probably TMI, but the first day of my period is always the worst day and I'm feeling better tonight so it should be all uphill from here. For some reason ever since my appendix ruptured my cramps are out of control and hurt so incredibly bad. I'm actually looking forward to my doctor appointment on Monday because we'll be doing an ultrasound to see if it's all the scar tissue and adhesions that are still causing me all this pain two years later or if it's something else. The big decision is to decide whether to go in and remove the scar tissue and adhesions (I got all of these from the 3 surgeries I had after my appendix ruptured without the doctors realizing it for a month) and if so, how to do that. Surgery itself causes scar tissue so it's up in the air whether or not another surgery would help. My doctor basically said that he's hoping the new scar tissue would just hurt less than the old, which doesn't sound all that promising to me. My doctor also has to decide whether doing lap surgery would be better than opening me up completely again. I'm for the lap surgery because the recovery time is so much shorter (days instead of weeks), but because I've been opened up completely all the other three times because it was too dangerous to do a lap surgery, he's worried it might again be too dangerous because if I do have an adhesion in the wrong place, he could rupture my an intestine and cause me to have another bowel resection (I had the first because of the poison that ate away my healthy tissue in some parts of the bowel). Before he makes a decision on the best course of action he wants to do another ultrasound and maybe another CT. I've had all of that done before but I recently switched to his practice because I wasn't happy with the treatment I was getting at my other doctor's office so the new doc (Dr. M) really wants to run his own tests and I'm perfectly okay with that. He's really hoping that the ultrasound shows something...it won't show scar tissue, but if it shows a problem he'll feel like we have a better chance of treating it without opening me up completely. If that doesn't show anything, he'll do a CT scan. Scar tissue is often to blame for chronic pain after several surgeries like mine, but it's hard to treat so if he can find something like ovarian cysts or an extremely damaged fallopian tube (we already know my ovaries and fallopian tubes are damaged, but aren't sure of the extent) then he can get a game plan in line to straighten everything out. So even as weird as it sounds, I'm hoping he does find something wrong on Monday.

Right now I'm watching the E News Special on Farrah Fawcett and crying my eyes out. It's not that I'm even old enough to really understand the draw of her celebrity, but the story they are telling is heartwrenching. It's horrible how many people are touched by cancer and even worse how many don't survive. It actually makes me angry at myself for not taking care of my body the way that I should. I'm blessed enough to have a mostly healthy body and I abuse that body by eating crap, not exercising, not sleeping on a good schedule, etc. There are so many people that do take care of themselves and have something completely out of their control (like cancer) take away their ability to truly enjoy life. I really need to get my priorities straight.

Well, congrats if you made it to the bottom of this post. It's therapeutic for me to talk about my medical struggles and I guess I just had alot on my mind tonight. I should probably get to bed now though...

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