Tuesday, June 30, 2009

PMS...

truly sucks. I won't give you the gory details, but I have had my fair share of Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza, brownies and ice cream today. And of course, I feel disgusting after eating all of that. I know better, but I just caved today and gave in. It's probably TMI, but the first day of my period is always the worst day and I'm feeling better tonight so it should be all uphill from here. For some reason ever since my appendix ruptured my cramps are out of control and hurt so incredibly bad. I'm actually looking forward to my doctor appointment on Monday because we'll be doing an ultrasound to see if it's all the scar tissue and adhesions that are still causing me all this pain two years later or if it's something else. The big decision is to decide whether to go in and remove the scar tissue and adhesions (I got all of these from the 3 surgeries I had after my appendix ruptured without the doctors realizing it for a month) and if so, how to do that. Surgery itself causes scar tissue so it's up in the air whether or not another surgery would help. My doctor basically said that he's hoping the new scar tissue would just hurt less than the old, which doesn't sound all that promising to me. My doctor also has to decide whether doing lap surgery would be better than opening me up completely again. I'm for the lap surgery because the recovery time is so much shorter (days instead of weeks), but because I've been opened up completely all the other three times because it was too dangerous to do a lap surgery, he's worried it might again be too dangerous because if I do have an adhesion in the wrong place, he could rupture my an intestine and cause me to have another bowel resection (I had the first because of the poison that ate away my healthy tissue in some parts of the bowel). Before he makes a decision on the best course of action he wants to do another ultrasound and maybe another CT. I've had all of that done before but I recently switched to his practice because I wasn't happy with the treatment I was getting at my other doctor's office so the new doc (Dr. M) really wants to run his own tests and I'm perfectly okay with that. He's really hoping that the ultrasound shows something...it won't show scar tissue, but if it shows a problem he'll feel like we have a better chance of treating it without opening me up completely. If that doesn't show anything, he'll do a CT scan. Scar tissue is often to blame for chronic pain after several surgeries like mine, but it's hard to treat so if he can find something like ovarian cysts or an extremely damaged fallopian tube (we already know my ovaries and fallopian tubes are damaged, but aren't sure of the extent) then he can get a game plan in line to straighten everything out. So even as weird as it sounds, I'm hoping he does find something wrong on Monday.

Right now I'm watching the E News Special on Farrah Fawcett and crying my eyes out. It's not that I'm even old enough to really understand the draw of her celebrity, but the story they are telling is heartwrenching. It's horrible how many people are touched by cancer and even worse how many don't survive. It actually makes me angry at myself for not taking care of my body the way that I should. I'm blessed enough to have a mostly healthy body and I abuse that body by eating crap, not exercising, not sleeping on a good schedule, etc. There are so many people that do take care of themselves and have something completely out of their control (like cancer) take away their ability to truly enjoy life. I really need to get my priorities straight.

Well, congrats if you made it to the bottom of this post. It's therapeutic for me to talk about my medical struggles and I guess I just had alot on my mind tonight. I should probably get to bed now though...

Monday, June 29, 2009

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I'll start out with the good news. Whatever was bothering my stomach yesterday got out of my system and I'm feeling much better today. I must have eaten something bad because my stomach was seizing up and cramping and I felt just plain miserable for most of the night. I'm glad I'm up and around today though because I didn't want to miss any work. I'm saving up some time off to go to a waterpark soon!

The Bad news is that I can't seem to get over the ugly news.

Now for the ugly...my friend has two Yorkie's that had puppies about 11 weeks ago. She had 4 boys and 1 girl, but one of the boys died a couple of days after it was born. I really love puppies so I went over there to visit the 3 boys and 1 girl quite a bit and thought long and hard about buying the girl puppy. I want to wait until I'm out of my apartment though, so I decided not to get here. But, since I love playing with all the babies I would go sit with them when they were trying to sell them. They did sell the girl (right away!), but the three boys just weren't selling at all. So I had lots and lots of time to play with them and bond. The one with the blue collar hardly ever listens and does whatever he feels like, but he's all cute and rolly-polly and is sweet as pie when he's ready for a nap. The one with the red collar will play with you and listens and likes to run around and make friends. The one with the black collar is super laid back and sweet and everyone's favorite. He just wants you to hold him and love on him. Well I got a text message last night from my friend saying that her boy dog (the dad) killed the black collar baby. I just started bawling. It's so sad because he was the sweetest little puppy and everyone's favorite (not that the other two weren't as important, but this one was the littlest and probably couldn't even fight back). I guess the two boys left are separated from the parents, but I'm just so sad over this. He wasn't even my dog, but I played with him enough that he really made an impression on me. I'm such an animal lover and I can't really handle things like that. I wish I didn't know and they just told me they sold him to a good family. I know that I'm an adult and need to be able to deal with the truth, but if it involves animals, I just turn into a child and cry and cry. I really hope the other two sell soon and go to good homes. I would take one, but I don't want two boys because I'm afraid they wouldn't get along. It really, really sucks...

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Ugggghhhhh

I think I ate something bad...I'm not feeling all that hot right now...

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Scrub A Dub Dub...

I'm on a frenzied cleaning spree and have been all day-lame I know since it's Saturday night. But, I love getting all this done! I'll write a longer post later if I get done before I'm too tired. Bye!

Friday, June 26, 2009

101 Update

#92: My friend had a really hard time staying pregnant and had a few losses before she finally got pregnant with her current baby. She's a little over 17 weeks along and she found out Wednesday night that it's a boy! I'm so incredibly thrilled for her so I went out to Target and bought her a little blue onsie with a dinosaur on it and then a pair of pajamas with little feet and a puppy dog on them. I gave those to her Thursday morning all wrapped up in the cutest little bag and I think she really liked them! I love doing things for my friends just because. Giving really can feel better than receiving.

#86: Today is day 8 and I ran out of water at work this morning-yikes! I haven't bought any more of my big water jugs because I'm planning on buying one of those pitchers that filter tap water and bringing it to work so I don't have to recycle as much and can stop spending money on them all the time. I calculated that I buy around 3-4 big jugs of water every week at a little over a $1 jug. Multiplied by 52 weeks and that's over $200 a year! The water pitcher that I bought for my house this week was $30 and I really like it so I'll probably get the same one for work. Even taking into account the filters I would have to buy, it should be less than $100 this year, which is alot of savings! And that's only this year-next year I won't have to re-buy the pitchers so I'll save even more. That's my kind of investment! But...since I didn't have a chance to buy the pitcher yet and I ran out of water this morning, I had to go downstairs to the deli shop and buy two little 8oz water bottles for $2-I'm buying the pitcher this weeked for sure.

#28: I tried a new recipe last night. I've been following this blog for awhile because I love the recipes she makes. I tried the stuffed pasta shells last night and it was pretty good. I didn't measure out the ricotta and just guessed at the amount and it ended up being a little too much. Next time I'll probably cut the amount of meat down to 3/4 or even 1/2 a pound and use the right amount of ricotta. I'm not a big meat person so I like to have more sauce. All in all, it turned out decent enough.
It's Friday! Have a great weekend!
Update: I'm not sure that my link to the stuffed pasta shells is working, but if it isn't, you can click on her blog (my yummy goodness) in my blog roll on the side.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Busy Bee

Work has kept me so so so busy today so I don't have much time, but I did want to say that the water challenge is going great and I had a really good day yesterday. There wasn't any binge eating involved at all and I even walked the dog (I'd been putting this off since it's been near or above 100 degrees lately). Hopefully more later!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Woohoo!


I figured out how to move things from the bottom of my blog over to the right side and I added my 101 list! I'm mightly pleased with it all if I do say so myself. That's one thing I can check off my to do list :)

Day 6


Today is day 6 of my water challenge and it's going fantastically! Is that a word? Anyway, I'm not having any problems at all and that's just absolutely great.


I am really tired this morning though. I happen to have a maltese/yorkie puppy that kind of looks like this -->

He's beyond the cutest little puppy, but last night he kept hearing noises and then barking and growling. I had gotten to sleep in yesterday so I wasn't that tired when I needed to go to bed and by the time I got tired, he kept me up for hours with all his noise making. I love him to death though and I know he was just trying to protect me. It's cute normally, but last night I was at my wits end. Hence the being sleepy this morning.

Today I go to the dentist for the first time in YEARS. I haven't been since my junior year of college because I had trouble finding a time getting in to the office with my class schedule and then my appendix ruptured and I've dealing with complications of that for the past 2 years. To say the least, it hasn't really been a priority. However, I finally made an appointment and I go in today! I'm pretty excited about it, which I know is weird, but I tend to be very OCD sometimes. I like everything to be in it's place and on schedule and I've been feeling MAJOR guilt for not getting in there. Now, I'll go and schedule another cleaning for 6 months from now and be right on track! Please don't make fun of me!

I like to go grocery shopping with coupons, but I've realized that most of these coupons are for things that I really shouldn't eat-pizza, taquitos, ice cream, etc. So I made the decision yesterday to not buy any of this crap when I grocery shop from now I on. I'm committed to only purchasing relatively healthy items and planning out my meals. Only on OCCASION will I allow myself to purchase frozen yogurt or pizza. If it's not in the house, then I can't eat it!

Gotta go!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I woke up to...


this number staring me in the face when I looked at the scale...arg!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I'm not tired at all...

So I'm up reading and blogging instead of going to sleep. I really should go to bed soon since I have to work in the morning, but I'm not ready for the weekend to end yet!

I finally joined Twitter the other day. I wanted to see what all the fuss is about, but I haven't done any updating just yet. I think I'm really going to like it though!

My Father's Day dinner went really well. My dad was in a good mood and seemed fine so I'm guessing I just got him at a bad time when I asked what to get him the first time.

I've always kind of had a secret passion for photography. I love black and white photos and tend to decorate my apartment with a wide array of them. I usually buy these and admire other people's talent for photography but lately I've been wondering if I could actually begin to take it seriously for myself. I know that I would need to invest in a decent camera and learn about editing photos and everything, but I think it would be a great hobby for me. I think you see the beauty in this world in an entirely different way when you're looking at things through the lens of a camera. It's something to think about anyway....

In my effort to take care of the environment, I went ahead and bought a water pitcher that filters tap water for you. I was buying big jugs of water and I always made sure to recycle them, but this should save me time and money. And implementing more green strategies is on my 101 list-it's win win!

Alright, well I could stay on here all night so I'm going to make myself get off and go read in bed. Night!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Day 2

So far the water only day has gone great! I've got lots to do today and I took a nap so I'm running late-have a good night!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Day 1 (again) of the water challenge

Well today was day 1 of the water challenge and I did great! I drank only water all day long and didn't have any problem with it. At dinner I was having pizza and I thought about having a soda instead of water, but I didn't have any in the house so water was the only choice-I'm so glad I drank all the soda and didn't buy any more. I'm not in the mood to really blog tonight so I think I'm just going to read for awhile...I've decided to re-read the Twilight series. Goodnight!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

101 List-Day 1 of the new challenge


Well today marks the start of my goal to drink only water for a month. I just realized as I typed that sentence that it sounds like I'm giving up food for a month as well-that's just crazy! What I mean is that I'm not allowing myself to drink soda, cappuchino's, smoothies, etc.-only good 'ol H20 for an entire month!!!

I don't necessarily think that it's bad to drink things other than water every once in awhile, but I'm trying to create a habit. I've heard that if you do something for 30 days, it then becomes habit and that would be great! I actually think that I do pretty good with drinking primarily water, but I might get surprised and find this is a tad bit more difficult than I expected. I do know that one of the biggest challenges is going to be when I get tired at work. I always just go downstairs and get a cappuchino to give myself a little pick me up to get through to lunch. I'm not sure what I'll do now, but it'll be nice to have the challenge. I'll keep you updated each day on how I'm doing! In other news...I've decided to stop taking all medicine for the pain in my side since I go back to the doctor on the 6th for an ultrasound. That seemed like a good idea while I was still under the influence of pain meds, but I'm definitely hurting this morning. I really hope they figure this out!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Bed

Headed there.......

Monday, June 15, 2009

MckMama Knows Best...

So I was reading MckMama's latest blog post on FOCUS. It really struck a chord with me. I know that I have the tendency to complain-ALOT. It's not that I'm really all that unhappy with my life, I just sometimes start dwelling on the negative. After reading her post, I realized (well I already knew, but sort of forgot) that if I want certain things in life: healthy relationships and friendships, financial security, etc., I need to quit focusing on what goes wrong. By constantly thinking about what's going wrong, I'm not leaving alot of room for the positive to come into my life. And if by chance something really great happens, I might not even notice it because I'm so preoccupied with something I can't change. So...let's all FOCUS on the great things in life!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

....

I'm not in the mood to blog today...I can't really think of anything to say.
*Update: I found a picture of this pattern online and I'm loving it! I've narrowed down my color scheme for decorating to mainly black and white and probably a grey/blue accent color in the living room and dining room. I would like to have a chair or pillows with this design. It's a perfect match for the design I have in my head. I went to a furniture store today to just look around and I really didn't find much at all. I'm sure I couldn't have just made up the furniture I'm picturing, but I can't see to find what I'm searching for. I did only go to one store though so I'm sure if I look around, I'll be able to find it. I'm almost positive that Pottery Barn has what I'm looking for, but some of their things are just a little out of my price range. On the bright side, I did find some adorable curtains at Target. They're this black chandelier pattern and would look great in an office. Although, I was looking online just now and find some black and white damask curtains at Target that look almost exactly like the pattern in this post! That's even better. :-) So many options! Well Kendra is almost on and I love that show so I gotta go!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

No Time..

Today has been super busy, but really great! Think: decorating, playing with 8 week old puppies, swimming and movies...more tomorrow!

Friday, June 12, 2009

My quest for perfection...


First off, I know that perfection is unattainable...however, that doesn't stop me from striving to get pretty darn close. I've always done pretty well at school and work, but I seem to be lacking the whole domestic gene. Do you have those friends that just seem to be born naturally creative and can make a home warm and inviting like it's second nature?

I most certaintly do. One of my good friends is having marital issues and moved out of her big home into a tiny little apartment. It's much smaller than my own apartment and in an older complex so I wasn't expecting much when I went over there for dinner the other night. Much to my surprise, it was amazing. She had turned this shabby maybe 600 sq. ft. apartment into a place that I wanted to stay at and not leave. All of sudden I wanted to live at the same place, but I logically know that it wouldn't solve my problem. See my apartment is much bigger, I've had much more time to decorate (she's only been in her apartment for a couple of days), I have more money I can spend to decorate, etc. It doesn't matter though because as much as I seem to spend, it just doesn't have the same feel. I have lots of pictures and candles and expensive bedding, but it just doesn't flow. It feels disjointed and I'm beginning to think I just don't have that talent and will have to pay someone. My quest for perfection isn't just with my home, though. I also want to be a good cook and host dinner parties and baby showers, and bachelorette parties, etc. I just have this strange desire to do all those kinds of things, which is sort of weird since I was raised to be so independent. I'm all for women being independent and taking care of themselves, but I still see myself being equally happy being a stay at home mom, cooking, cleaning, and hosting parties. It's sort of 1950's. Anyway, I'm sure I'll find a balance one way or another. I'm actually off to text my talented decorating friend and see if she wants to spend her weekend helping me turn my apartment from blah into...gorgeous!!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Not much to say today

I'm not in much of a mood to blog about anything today. I have been tossing around the idea of blogging about my intense need to become a lovely domestic goddess, but I think that's going to have to wait until tomorrow.

I made some rather awesome cheesy potato soup that tasted great, but my stomach apparently disagreed. So I'm now going to go lay on the couch and nurse my upset tummy.

Have a good night!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

She said what?!?!?!


I really am interested in becoming the best possible person I can be and therefore have been looking for things that I can improve on. Lately one of my biggest struggles is...GOSSIPING. I don't mean to do it, but I've noticed that it's become a habit and one I'm very disappointed in myself for engaging in. It seems like it's so easy to get caught up in it when others start gossiping because I'm not exactly sure how to keep the conversation going but not join in. For example, work is probably where I notice this the most. If someone comes into my office and starts talking about another employee behind that person's back and then I don't join in and try to change the subject, I feel like it stalls the conversation and things become awkward. Or sometimes I start the gossip just to have something to talk about and connect with another person on. I know it's horrible of me. I need to find some way that I can still be kept in the loop about what's going on at work without engaging in all the petty he said/she said stuff. I guess my biggest worry is that I don't know what else to talk about sometimes, so something someone told me will just come out of my mouth. I want to have more integrity than that. I want to be known as a person that you can come to and speak freely to without having to worry that I'll go and tell someone else what you've said. I want to be known as the woman that you never hear say a negative word about someone else. I think that everyone has fallen into the tendency to gossip at one time or another, but for me it feels like it's an every SINGLE day thing and I leave work or hanging out with friends feeling guilty that I talked about someone I care about behind their back or divulged a secret that I shouldn't have. From this moment forward I'm making it my priority to be as aware of this habit as I can and to STOP it from happening. Wish me luck!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Day 157

I slept okay last night, but I feel like I'm dragging this morning. Maybe it's just the Monday blahs, but I'm trying my best to resist a cappuchino to wake me up. I ate a bagel with cream cheese a couple of hours ago and I only brought a frozen lean cuisine pizza and a yogurt to hold me over for the rest of the day. Normally I try to bring one more snack (crackers and laughing cow cheese or something similar), but I didn't want to mess with getting it together this morning and I figure I really do have enough food to keep me from getting too hungry. I just can't decide to get the munchies or that I must have dessert after lunch.

Today is a yoga day and I'm super excited! They are so much easier than pilates days and provide a good break.

Well I can't think of much to say today...

Sunday, June 7, 2009

I'm still doing it!

I've stuck to my goals lately. I've been walking the puppy, writing in my paper journal, blogging and doing pilates or a yoga tape every single day. I'm actually quite proud of myself.

Today was a pilates day and it's getting easier. It's still hard and I would rather not do it, but I just keep telling myself to finish up this month and then I can move on to some new exercises. I think I'll probably start the 30 day shred videos. I think there are three of them so that should be three months of exercise for me! And it's starting to get really hot so it will be nice to work out inside. Maybe once summer is over I can get back out there and start running again. I really do think I need to lose some weight though before I can really get into it. At least I'm hoping carrying around the extra weight is what's causing me to have such bad shin splints.

Well I really need to do some grocery shopping so I'll be back tomorrow!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Day 161

I'm feeling inspired today. I've been reading other blogs and I feel uplifted and ready to take on the world just from reading their words...is that strange? Sometimes I feel really alone-I'm single and I have friends, but my best friend lives a couple of hours away and I'm going through a period where I'm not sure if my other friends are actually my friends. I know that doesn't make alot of sense. I'll try to explain...have you every been friends with someone and you try to be there for them when they need you and then when it's time for you to need them, they don't show up in any way that matters? I'm sure that if I asked them to be there for me while I'm trying to figure out this whole single thing, they would come around, but I feel like I shouldn't have to ask. I don't know, maybe that's expecting people to read my mind. Arg! Anyway...

Back to the whole inspired thing. I'm feeling that way because it's just absolutely awesome to read blogs of other women that are my age and going through the same things in life. It seems that several people are newly single or are struggling with friendships and seeing how they've gotten through things or at least that they're in the same place right now really helps. And it's easy to find other bloggers that are trying to get in shape and be healthy. At least I can always have some place to go when I'm needing extra motivation.

When it comes to weight loss I've been thinking of some new things to try...taking a picture daily (I tried to do it once a week and never remembered), personalizing this blog with pictures, and weight loss tickers, etc. However, I'm really leaning towards keeping this blog as private (well at least when it comes to my identity) as possible right now. I think it allows me to be more free with my words and not worry that someone I work with or know in real life is reading my thoughts without my knowledge.

I did start day 1 of my pilates/yoga everyday for a month goal. It's part of my 101 in 1001 days list so I just need to keep it up until July 3rd and that will be one more thing I can cross off (that's the best part-getting my favorite pen and drawing a line through it) and hopefully it will also have made some awesome changes in my body. I did pilates last night, so I'll probably do yoga tonight to switch it up. Plus yoga is easier on my body and with my side hurting me so much lately, I don't want to do anything to make it even worse.

My goals for today:
  • Write in my paper journal
  • Stick to my food plan (lean cuisine for lunch, yogurt, triscuits and laughing cow cheese, cheese ravioli ( a normal portion size and not the whole thing!) and sherbert for dinner.
  • Walk the puppy
  • Do my yoga video

Have a great day!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Day 162

I entered a contest for the first time today! Kelly is giving away some great books for single gals :) I also left my first comment ever on her blog and linked to another blog for the first time so it's been a day of blogging firsts!

I hate feeling guilty at the end of the day for things like:
  • Eating crap instead of healthy food
  • Not walking the dog or playing with him
  • Slacking off at work
  • Not exercising
Those are just a few things, but I figure it's really easy to prevent the guilt-just make sure I eat mostly healthy, walk the puppy everyday, work hard, and get in some exercise. Today is off to a so-so start. I didn't eat all that great: Asiago bagel for breakfast, brownie, Mazzio's lunch buffet for lunch, a Knorr rice side and fudge popsicle for dinner. I did walk the puppy. I had worked my butt off at work for the past two days so today was kinda slow-tomorrow it should pick back up though. And finally I'm going to do my Pilates video when I get done blogging.

I also saw some really cute calendars on another blog that I could use to track things like walking the puppy, exercising, etc. I have several items on my 101 list that I want to do for certain amounts of time and having a calendar I could cross each day off on would really help motivate me.

Okay, off to get all lean and gorgeous from my Pilates!
 
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