Friday, April 3, 2009

I vow to be more positive

Ever since I decided to start a blog about this journey towards living a truly healthy lifestyle, I've been reading other weight loss blogs as well. I've realized that an astounding number of them are incredibly negative. Each day it's well I ate things I shouldn't have, or I didn't exercise again, or these are my excuses for not being healthy. As I was getting frustrated with their excuses and negativity, I realized that my blog has much of the same theme running through it. The blogs that I turn to for motivation are positive and up lifting-even though they make mistakes, it's the ones that are truly trying hard and making an effort that inspire me. Since my blog is still in the beginning stages, I'm making a vow now to be more positive and actually make the effort. So what if my running shoes were being ordered for a week? Instead of eating everything in site and not doing any exercise at all, I should have gone out for more walks, gone to the gym, continued my eating plan, etc. Now I have to spend more time trying to lose what I just gained back and that's so counterproductive. I'm not giving into to excuses anymore. I only have one life and this is it. I want to spend every moment I can knowing that I'm putting my all into living the best life possible. And when I eat a ton of junk food and don't exercise, my body rebels. I feel HORRIBLE-so tired and sick to my stomach that it's impossible to truly enjoy life.

I had a dream last night about getting a tattoo. I've been contemplating getting one for years now, but was never quite sure what I wanted to get. By the time I woke up I had a much more concrete design forming. I want it to be simple and express something of ME in it. I don't want a meaningless design just because it happens to be popular. I'm thinking of getting something with 3 or 4 words written in pretty script on my right lower back. Right now the words are: Love, Life, Persevere, and Dream. Love: it's pretty obvious. I have things that say love all around my apartment because it's so important. We all want to find true love for ourselves, but beyond that, we love our parents and friends and hobbies, etc. It's just so central to my life that it makes perfect sense. I'm also thinking of putting a little heart next to it. Life: I'm so lucky to be alive after what I went through with my appendix rupturing that I don't want to ever forget that. I need to really live this life because someone decided to give me a second chance for some reason and I'm not going to waste it. Persevere: perseverance has become a word that I think of all the time since I got sick. I was just trying to get from one day to the next for the longest time that it just became like a security blanket to me-I carried (and still do carry) that one word around in my head all the time. Now that I'm so much better I want to remember that when things do get tough to just persevere through it-because I am strong enough to and I will conquer whatever I need to. Dream: So many of dreams changed over the past few years. I couldn't start law school and go on to becoming an attorney, the person I thought I'd end up with showed me that he wasn't grown up enough to take that path with me, etc. I have new dreams now. I could go to law school, but I don't have that burning passion for it anymore. I truly like my job and am thinking that I'll probably go back and get my Master's instead of a law degree. I'm in a new relationship and I hope it has the potential to get me to my other dreams: getting married, having kids, buying a home, etc. I want to always remember to follow my dreams even if they seem crazy at the time (traveling to Paris, eating pizza and pasta in Italy, seeing where I was born in England) or silly (taking a cooking class, making a scrapbook, figuring out how to decorate my home in a design that makes me feel like I'm living in a place that I can truly relax and retreat) or if they change completely. I want to always keep dreaming and never settle.

So this has been extremely long...but positive. :)

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