The good news: I have three new motivational tools. The first is my mini goal rewards:
- 185 lbs: massage
- 180 lbs: New bookcase
- 175 lbs: Prof. cut and color hair
- 170 lbs: new outfit (including V.S. stuff)
- 165 lbs: new bedframe
- 160 lbs: new kitchen table
- 155lbs: New outfit (including V.S. stuff)
- 150 lbs: Spa day
- 145 lbs: Northface jacket
- 140 lbs: belly button pierced and/or Uggs
- 132 lbs: new tattoo and/or vacation
My next motivational item is actually a person. Since this is a public blog, I'm going to be kind of discreet, but basically it's a woman that I see quite often. She's sort of the opposite of what I want to be. She makes really unhealthy choices in terms of what she chooses to eat-lots of pizza, pasta, cookies, soda, etc. She calls in sick to her office alot. She doesn't really make an effort with her appearance. And she weighs nearly what I do...therefore, it's pretty much like looking into a mirror. She makes lots of excuses for the way she looks-I try to lose weight, but it's impossible, I'm sick so I need to eat this or sleep in, etc. So when I'm about to make a bad choice I think if that is what she would do and then I do the opposite. If I want to sleep in and be late to work, I make myself get up. If I want to order a pizza and eat the whole thing by myself, I eat a sandwich instead. If I want to spend money I don't have on junk food and things I don't need, I think twice and put it back. I've known her long enough to see how her choices affect her body-gaining weight, complains alot, doesn't feel good, etc. I can see myself having done the exact same thing. I've put on alot of weight, I get sick to my stomach alot more since the gain, I have less energy, I make excuses...and it goes on and on. I haven't told this person that she's my motivation to do better and it's kind of unfair to her that I'm being so judgemental. It helps me to see what I shouldn't do though and the direct consequences of bad decisions, so I'm going to continue to make the best choices I can and remind myself that I can go look in that mirror if I think I'm not really that fat or that I can pull off the extra weight...because the honest truth is that I can't and neither can she.
My third motivational factor is something coming up in about 5 weeks. I really don't want to join this group of friends because I always feel like the fat and ugly one, but I've kind of been talked into it. I decided that at least that gives me five weeks to work out and eat healthy and try to make a difference in my body. Maybe once this activity starts, I'll have a little bit more of my self-confidence back and I'll truly be able to enjoy myself again. I hope so!